I want my cake and eat it too...
warning, depressed rant post. Read at your own peril.
I have made plans to go visit my mom the last weekend of the month. I have cleared schedules, took time off and everything. The plan, I THOUGHT was to go through dad's stuff. At first my brother and mom said I would be there. But then when I told them when I was coming they decided not to wait so long. My brother said he has to work Saturdays like I knew this, I had no idea he worked on Saturdays. So anyway, mom starts going through his stuff and threw out socks and underwear and is planning on donating his clothes (the man had some nice clothes, he was a big of a clothes hog and loved dressing up)to the Veterans. I am personally upset just about me not being there. There is nothing of value there, but some things have sentimental significance. Like dad's shoes, mom threw them out even before the funeral, I mean who would want old yucky holy shoes. Stuffgirl did, we had to pull them out of the trash for her. Mom said my Brother wanted some of the bluegrass tapes and some old records (records from the 50s really old but beat up not worth anything) and mom asked if there was anything I wanted. I replied how would I know, I am not there and I don't know what all he had! So I think I made her mad. But it is distressing to me. I know its he house and all that stuff is hers now. She wants it gone, like yesterday. But the day I am coming is only 2 months to the day he died, why cant she wait a bit? I know this all is harder on her than it is on me, she has to live there and see reminders everywhere. Logically I know this. Emotionally I don't want her to throw stuff out, at least without me there.
When does this get easier? I dreamed about him last night, I dreamed he was healthy and tan and younger and had woken up from the coma, and the only thing he was worried about was his health insurance. Go figure.
And now I find out Paris and Britney have broken up!!! Geez, just last week they were BFF! Now they aren't even on speaking terms! As if I don't have enough on my mind. *sigh*
Later
posted by Mel at 12:40 PM
11 Comments:
Mel, I would feel the same way. Can you calmly explain to your mom that you want some of his things for sentimental purposes and to please wait. That it would help you mentally with his death or something?
I'm sorry sweetie. I wish I could give you some advice but I haven't a clue. Know that I'm thinking about you.
I am sorry, I know it's hard. When my grandma passed, I just wanted something little to have. I didn't care what it was.
1000 dyas and you will feel better. I am sorry about the mom family stuff. I know how that is though my aunt did the same thing with my grandmother's stuff she inherited the house and immediately started getting rid of stuff. I live 5hrs away by car and it was hard to get up there especially when she was getting rid of it right then!Devil!
Aw Mel, sorry to hear this!!! Like you say, they have no monetary value but it is the sentimental value! Maybe you should just ask her to hold off until you get there!!! It will get easier with time but it has only been two months and it is normal to still be hurting!!! Time is a healer - one day at a time!!! Take Care, Mel!
I went through the same thing..sorta. I lived with my gramma and when she died, the NIGHT she died, her son, (my uncle) started going through her "stuff" and throwing it out! I yelled at him to "keep away from her stuff"!, but it was hard to get rid of the clothes. I krpt them for quite a few years.
I love how Britt is looking at Paris in this picture...like she just loves her so much and thinks she fabulous!!!
That would be hard. I would have a really hard time dealing with that too. Hope she keeps some stuff for you to have, or maybe she'll just hold off on some it until you get there to help. ((((hugs))))
And the pic of Brit and Paris...and is that Lindsey???? What the hell is she doing out of rehab? Anyway, that pic cracks me up how Brit is looking at Paris like she is so in love with her and wants to be her. God, someone needs to knock some good ol' sense into that girl...well, into all three of them.
Sorry you have to go through that - I can't imagine how hard it is to not be there. There were only two things I wanted of my Grandma's when she passed away - a mermaid figurine and her gold wedding band. The first my dad got rid of without knowing I wanted it and the second was stolen at her nursing home. I have to say, I've never gotten over it. Sometimes you just really need something tangible to hold and remember.
and sometimes its the little things - like those shoes that mean the world. Perhaps if you told your mom that she would understand, and at the same time - I can see her not understanding.
We still have stuff we need to go through from my sister, but we save things.
I have heard of people thowing out their loved ones things and regreting it later. It might be better to pack things up for now and put it into storage.
I do know I think I would have been a lot stronger when my sister just died than now. I think it is because of the shock of it all.
Thats a really hard situation. I totally understand your point of view. There is something theraputic about going through their things. Sometimes its the last time that you can smell their smell..ya know?
I also kind of understand your moms..its tough to have to look at his things and not do anything with them. It feels like you are not dealing with it well. I know some people feel like they are supposed to go ahead and get it done..that getting that part over with is theraputic to them.
I would just calmly explain it to her and see if she can hold off for a few more days.
About the dream - after my mom died she was in all of my dreams. Sometimes they werent really about her..but it seemed like she was always in them. I dont know when it stopped but it made me kind of sad.
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