Saturday, September 15, 2007

I'm feeling more than a little foolish...

Once I said I might not continue with the blog I've had the most inspiration for blog posts than I have had in a long time. So I am back and feeling foolish.

I have been so depressed lately and I don't know why. I have zero self esteem and that's part of it. You see, I was an ugly child. Very ugly, fugly in fact. I was overweight, had horrible teeth and coke bottle glasses. And we all know what happens to children that are ugly or don't fit in. They are humiliated and laughed at by all the other kids. Kids are the worst, they are like a pack of wild dogs that go after the weakest member of the pack. I had few friends, and what friends I had were outcasts also. I am not exaggerating either. Once the kids in my neighborhood wrote a letter to my mom in which they told her I was the reason for the pollution in the world (clever weren't they?) Boy was my mom mad, even I knew better than to mess with my mom LOL. I am not sure what their parents did but my mom made sure every parent was aware of their little darlings actions. Anyhoooo. I grew up, got thinner, got braces and contacts lenses and by high school I was not the one picked on anymore. But the scars remain to this day. so when I get depressed for whatever reason, I think no one likes me, that I am worthless and my husband doesn't love me. It makes no sense, I had the best parents and always felt loved at home but still to this day I am the kid that never got picked in gym glass.

But I am feeling better, I think I am coming out of this mood. I am lucky I don't struggle with the kind of depression that some people struggle with. My moods don't last too long and I am always able to get myself out of them. I really feel for people that fight depression all the time.

But your comments made me feel loved and that helped alot. Big hugs to the bloggers!!

Oh and I got the results back for my mammogram and Its clean! YAY!! But I also got back the results for the kidney scan and I do have kidney stones. And they are too big to pass so I get to go to the Urologist Tuesday to discuss options. In case anyone was wondering, kidney stones hurt like a mother!! But at least it explains my side and back pain I have had for a while. I have 3 stones, 2 on the left and 1 on the right. Fun times.

Tomorrow I will be 47 years old and my goal is to get 47 comments tomorrow. I have high hopes!



Blogger Vegas Princess said...

I am glad you are coming out of your funk. I wish I could get out of mine. I was kinda the outsider in my friends and had to fight to get invited to things and be included. Which is odd because everyone always would say how personable and freindly I am. would just get left behind at times. And it gives me a complex to this day. So I know exactly how you feel.

Yay on your clean tests! But I am sorry about the kidney stones, that can't be fun. However it made me wonder if that is what is causing my sharp adominal pain lately.

11:28 PM  
Blogger Zed said...

First things first: Those kids were just awful to make you feel so bad about yourself. You're Mel--a great person in every way. Second, congrats on the mammogram!

Finally, I hope you'll keep on blogging. Do you remember when I left my blog for almost 5 months? I was under tremendous work pressure with my job and I was trying to please everyone else with what I wrote. So I stopped. When I write now, I write for ME. As dumb as something might sound, if I want to write it I will. Today I wrote two sentences: "I'm going to the post office. Can I pick up something for you while I'm there?" It's what I had on my mind and I didn't hesitate to write it. Please feel the same. Write what you want and it doesn't matter what your visitor count is. Write for you, from your heart, and your friends will still come around.

Glad you're still here.

11:48 PM  
Blogger Zed said...

Happy Birthday, Mel! (Can you count that toward tomorrow since I'll be working most of the day? Please?)

11:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Take heart, Mel! I never got picked in gym class, and I never fit in, but just look at me NOW!

12:57 AM  
Blogger amy said...

I am so with you on the fat issue.hi I am amy ( 11 years old ) and I am way new to blogging. So come visit me at

(P.S. happy birthday!!!)

9:59 AM  
Blogger Janna said...

It sounds like we had very similar childhoods!
I know exactly what you mean about the miserable treatment, and I know how it can easily affect your mood many decades later.
People who haven't been through it just don't understand the damage it can cause.
Hang in there, and consider yourself hugged.

3:07 PM  
Blogger Janna said...

Oh, and by the way, I love savage chickens! I'm so glad I found another blogger who appreciates that cartoon!

3:09 PM  
Blogger Lynda said...

I had the same thing as a kid. Except I didn't wear glasses, and wasn't overweight. I just was really shy. To this day, I am sure when I meet people, they don't really like me, but they put up with me because they like my husband or what have you.

It is hard to get past that mentality, even though I probably have been out of school longer than I was in school.

10:46 AM  
Blogger poody said...

I know what you mean about kids being cruel! I was popular in school but I knew of some kids that weren't so lucky. I never picked on those kids though I guess I have always adhered to the there but for the grace of God go I theory! I am sorry about the stones. Maybe they can lithotripsy them for you. Hooray about the boobs though! LOL

12:14 PM  

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