When a doctor calls you on monday and says he wants to see you on Tuesday, its usually not good news.

So I wasnt expecting good news but the reality of my situation hit me like a ton a bricks yesterday. I will never get better, pretty much its all downhill from here. He stopped the Gammo treatments since they were not helping. He threw alot of terminology at me and I was pretty confused, the blur between this "could happen" and this "will happen". He is not sure I guess. Hr brought up a heart transplant again...NOT that again. My heart is doing fine on the meds but he seems to think this neuropathy caused the heart failure not the other way around. HUH? Wow. I remember being the hospital 3 1/2 years ago and me telling them there was something wrong with my feet and why where they numb and they just blew it off. They were busy with heart failure not feet issues. But it was the start of this. He has scheduled a punch biopsy for late september so he can get a better sense of that the damage is to my nerves. I need to call my parents and I am putting that off, If I am not going to get better, dad wont either. And the worst part is my kids I guess are at risk for this too. I was wallowing in self pity yesterday. I am better today as long as I dont have to talk about it. Bad things happen to people every day. Look at Lynda's sister, never smoked a day and she is taken from her family lung cancer! So I am not special or even unique. But I think It will be a while before I can stop feeling sorry for myself. Yes I am having a pity party. My hubby has been so sweet thank GOD for him, I dont know how I could handle this alone.

Another Subject PLEASE! Lukas on Rockstar has GOT to go. I know I know lots of people like him but he bores me and he looks ridiculous. I loved Dilana's outfit last night but does anyone else think she is trying to be Stevie Nicks??? The outfit and the twirling. I dont blame her I wish I could pull off that look. Stevie rules in my book.

Later