Monday, August 25, 2008

Where's Melbo?

I haven't posted in forever. I think I am giving up on this, I have nothing much to say, nothing exciting ever happens. But then I think i wish I had a diary of my dads after he passed and I think maybe my kids would like to see stuff from their mom after I go but I don't know.

I was really very depressed for a while. I am better now I think. I am afraid of losing my friends, I am afraid of dying. I was depressed about everything except my marriage...that at i feel is rock solid. When I get depressed like that I don't feel like writing or talking or doing anything. But like i said I am better now.

I have taken up beading. I am not very good at it but its fun and something creative. I made necklaces for all my dogs with their names and phone #s on them to start, now I am working on anklets and bracelets. I love buying the beads.

My best friend at work left to go back to school, that fueled alot of my depression. I was afraid we would lose touch and we talked every day, several times a day. She knows my fears and really is making an effort, I hope I can keep her friendship...I don't get along with most people. Also my friend Bec is moving to Atlanta, which is better than some of the other scenarios, at least that is closer that the other places her husband had job offers from.

I got new glasses and they are wonderful! I need to have them adjusted better but for now I am giving up those awful hard contact lenses and going back to wearing glasses all the time. My eyes are thankful. I found these sunglasses than go on over your Rx glasses so I don't have spend another 600$ on sunglasses. My cataracts are growing slow so it might be a few years before they are ready for surgery.

My mom depresses me. I am going to hell over this one. I love my mom, she has done so much for me my whole life but she has become this angry unhappy complainer that will do nothing to make her life better. She is such a downer, complains constantly about everything. She had better spirits when she was in the rehab nursing home. I hate talking to her on the phone and if I don't call every day and talk for at least 40 minutes she gets mad at me. Sometimes I just let her get mad because I just cant deal with her especially after i have worked all day. I feel so guilty for the way i feel. My dad would be so disappointed in me.

I got my haircut and they wouldn't take my hair for cancer patients even though it was 12 inches, it was too gray. That depressed me too lol i cant even grow my hair right!

Well enough bitching and moaning....