My mom is getting better, now she doesn't think she is going to die tomorrow LOL. They finally diagnosed her with something called msra. its very contagious. Its one of those "super bugs" that is resistant to regular antibiotics. They have her on something and she is getting better so that's good.

What I don't understand is why I am still depressed. I am in a low mood and I don't know why, there is no reason for me to be depressed. I am supposed to go to the beach wends and I almost don't want to go. I just want to stay at home and hibernate. I am going to make myself go though, I know I will regret it if I don't and I wont get this opportunity again. I wish my hubby was coming but I am going with my co worker (NOT the co worker that threatened to kill me LOL) and her 4 (yes 4!!) kids. I plan on getting lost of pics to share :)

I went to Bec's house this past weekend and left my handicapped tag in her car. So I am really bummed about going to the beach without it but its my own fault so I just need to suck it up.

The pic is Amos, mom's kitty she gave back when she went in the hospital. The people had regretted giving him away and missed him terribly so its a good ending for the kitten but I will miss him...he was so cute and really good too.

Later

Mom

Its been another bad week with my mom. I am no longer there and am grateful I don't have to deal with all this but i also feel ashamed and guilty for feeling that way. I think my mom just wants to die. She is refusing to eat and my brother has been taking her back and forth to the ER and the doc and finally yesterday they decided to admit her. He has been trying to get her to eat and she was screaming at him "its my body I'll eat when i want to" LOL I can just hear her now. My poor brother doesn't know what to do. At this point I wonder if her mind is as gone as we think it is or if she just has given up and is trying to kill herself? Anyway, bear with me for the lack of posts for now.

I am supposed to go to Myrtle beach next week but i am not sure now if I will be able to go.

I took this picture last week when I was there, she looks happy here.

Later

Dear George:

I have been unfaithful. There is no excuse for my behavior but in my defense I was totally unconscious when I had an erotic dream about Harrison Ford. Really, I don't know where he came from but my subconscious really likes Mr Jones. Hopefully this was just a one time thing and I can return our relationship back to where it once was. I am so sorry, I never meant to hurt you. If it makes you feel any better you are the only one I wanna stalk but am too lazy to do so.

Later,
Mel
Picture by the wonderful Sans :)

Take a sad song and make it better...



Its somewhat better today, thanks for all your thoughts and well wishes. I think if I didn't stay with her 24/7 when i visit it wouldn't be quite as bad, breaks help. Today was non stop, taking her to the doc and then to PT, then to wallyworld to transfer her medicines there. My sister in law decided mom should switch to wallyworld since they have some meds that are 4$ and it would save mom money. My mom has no money, her monthly pittance from medicare is just not enough for her and she was self employed so she has no retirement. Dad's retirement was given to her in a lump sum when he died but it was not full and it was small, and it is gone. She has food and shelter and is not destitute but we are trying to cut her costs as much as we can.



She got a new kitten, a cutie she named Amos. He is so adorable! Pictures to come when i get home.



Speaking of going home, i am going home tomorrow. I had planned to stay until Friday but my blood work last week for my coumadin levels was all whacked out for some reason. They increased my dosage and they needed new levels this week so that's why i am going back early. Fine with me, I am ready to get home.



I am so sad about Tim Russert, he made politics enjoyable if thats possible.



Later

Awfulness...



Sorry its been so long since i posted. Things just went from bad to worse lately. I am in Virginia now with my mom for my visit, which has turned into a take my mom to the doctor every single day visit. I cannot explain in any words how she is right now. She is very confused about everything yet so stubborn at the same time. She is the worst hypochondriac ever...just like the little boy that cried wolf when there really is something wrong with her no one will believe her. She got me up at 6 am Saturday to take her to the urgent care place when the opened, said i had to get ready right away. She said she had blood clots in her leg. I knew she didn't have clots, since I have had them i know the symptoms. Anyway after getting there and they were closed the doc was pretty confused as to mom was there when they finally opened.

That's only part of the fun. It has been awful. My kids came and visited, thankfully but dealing with my mom is pretty stressful. I don't know how my brother does it all the time.

I hate myself for not handling this better. I am doing the best i can but this is hard. I think if I recognized this old lady as my mom it would be better but this person she is now is no one I know. Its like a whole different person. And I am a horrible person for feeling the way i do. She doesn't know how I feel, how awful this is for me though. Thank goodness for that.

Anyway more soon. Will try not to whine as much.
Later

Are you hot mama...you sure look that way to me...

OMG is it ever freaking hot already. I went out early this morning to run errands before it got too hot and even early it was 91 degrees. One temperature thingy said 101. Its seriously too early for this. My body just cannot handle this kind of heat since I had heart failure, so I get very little done when its this hot. Even if I am in the AC it still effects me some.

Enough whining. Here are some pics I took when hubby and i went for a bike ride last week. Here is the rural area we live around.
Hale bales, we pass alot of these. ALOT of fields of corn and other stuff. And cows, lots of cows!! Its hard to take pics on the back on the bike so I didnt get any good cow pics but trust me they are everywhere!

A lovely abandoned trailer. There are alot of abandoned buildings here that just sit. Where I am from in Virginia, nothing that is abandoned can just sit and rot like this. They fine the owners in Virginia for not demolishing buildings like this.

We stopped by the lake to rest for a while. I had never been to this lake before but its much nicer than some of the others. Its kinda blurry, its a cell phone pic but you can see momma and baby ducks! awww.

I am going to visit my mom for a week next weekend. I had said I wanted to bring Raven, my old chihuahua too. Raven used to always go with us but when Dad was alive it was an issue because my dad hated dogs so we stopped taking her. Mom has mentioned she misses her so I decided to take her. I told mom and she asked me NOT to bring her. No biggie, less hassle for me but now she is saying to bring her. MY mom changes her mind like the wind, it will drive you crazy. She will drive me crazy, you have NO idea.

Later

I wanna be the girl with the most cake...

I really want to buy myself a sirius Stilleto. I want one bad. I am trying to resist. I am trying to be good. Then I rationalize the possible purchase, I work hard, hubby has more tools than any human should ever have ect. I have a feeling here that sirius will win this battle. Its ridiculous really, I don't need this! But I want.

Later

I'm in shock...My daughter called me at work on Friday to tell me she got engaged Thursday night. My 20 year old daughter is engaged, i am trying to wrap my head around this new status. I will be an in law. OMG.

My husband absolutely despises this guy, actually no one really likes him, she hasnt even told her dad yet because her dad hates him too. So this should be interesting. Me, i guess he is ok, I don't really know him that well. I do know he has broken her heart not once but twice.

He gave her his grandmothers ring, its very pretty. I am impressed that its a family heirloom so hopefully he is not going to screw around on her this time and is fully committed.

Later